We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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