we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
