Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize