I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
