she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
