Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
