have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
