for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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