I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
