my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My pussy is not your playground.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
