I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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