Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
