And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
