remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
