I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
