Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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