Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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