I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
