I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
