We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
