New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
