Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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