i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
