Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
