there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
