I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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