drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize