I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
two words: eviction party
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
