I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
