508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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