I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
