All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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