Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
two words...techno handjob
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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