My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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