If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
