third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
