Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
