so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
