That's intense
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
