yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
