If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
