Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
