I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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