Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
