i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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