Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
