I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
