Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
This house was built for laser tag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
