After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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