I'm passing your future prison.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
