Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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