You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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