dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
from now on my penis is your penis
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
