he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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