he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
