What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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