everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
even my farts smell like vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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