why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
