He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
