Don't you send me to vm
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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