something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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