what day is it and did you see me today?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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