i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
