I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
