one two three fourrrrnication!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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