You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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